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by  |  12-Jul-2016 05:59

And tried to boink anything female within a 100-yard radius, including power cable connectors and French tables. OK, but Mamé won like seventeen challenges, so let’s not go crazy. We pretend the audience is just waiting outside in their chairs for half an hour while all this is going on. Unless they’ve been pulling the models in and out of their shoulder pieces for no reason over and over again, there has been fast and loose playing with the timeline in this here finale. Nyle looks right at the lens, Mikey looks like a sulky dick. Mikey looks “masculine.” Nyle says Mikey only has a surfer look and can’t fit into other contexts. Tyra says that Mikey is one of ’s biggest success stories and calls him a businessman. She does the standard post-loss I’m-still-a-winner stuff, but also swings back into her own words and says it’s crappy. is wearing a magnificent final outfit which we shall call The Patchwork Alien Queen of Oz. Tyra and Kelly (of course) yell at him to slow down, adding in some gestures that I am certain are not sign language. Tyra may have forgotten Next Model Management, because that’s dubbed in afterward.

He makes it clear that he wants to help his family and friends first, which is pretty solid and very Tyra. Nyle is beautiful and stunning in pictures and also deaf! Instead of the Scottish Werebat he was dressed as last week, he is now a Scottish bloodbat. He is wearing the top of an artichoke with ANTM stamped on it. I wonder if the moms stayed at a hotel and have been bused in for breakfast, or if they stayed in that giant dorm room and had to use the weird no-privacy showers. The company is sending both of them on a trip to Southeast Asia to be brand ambassadors!

Let’s hope Mikey does not also wear a bathing suit tucked into pantyhose. Yu Tsai, in one final bursts of uselessness, tells Nyle to own it. Nyle is wearing a Baby Björn made out of Solo cups.

The models go outside to sit around a table with their moms and freak. He says he needs to slow it down and step up his game. Mikey wears a veritable sunburst of those plastic straws!

There’s a bizarre shot zooming in on Lacey’s mom putting her hand on Lacey’s knee to comfort her. Mamé is wearing the bead project you made at camp when you were 13 and OH MY GOD THERE IS A FACE ON HER TORSO. Dustin bros out in inadequate spangled football gear! Nyle says this is so huge for him, and he’s ready to be part of a positive outlook for deaf people.

Uh-oh, J Smooth, that one’s going to get you in trouble with Yu Tsai.

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